6th-oodle

If You Were an Animal, Which Animal Would You Be?
In 132 words or less, explain what animal you would be and why. What cool things can you do as this animal; where do you place in the food chain; are you cute and cuddly or a viscious predator? All things to consider.
Winner receives $50.

Here's what I submitted:

I want to be a pangolin. I have a giant head. Pangolins have small heads and long tails. If I had a tail people wouldn't stare at my head. Pangolins have no external ears, excellent hearing, and are toothless. I have giant dumbo ears, my hearing sucks, and I could give good blowjobs if I were toothless. I had 6 wisdom teeth; there's no room. Their sight is poor. If blind, I would have more sex. They are from Africa, and I like to travel. I'd have to eat termites, but if I was a pangolin, I'd like termites. Pangolins like to dig. Fuck my job; I want to dig in Uganda. I got beaten up because I'm a homo. If I was a pangolin I would be protected from hate crimes.