Thursday, January 11, 2007

Doodle received a letter from his Auntie SASH

Dear Auntie SASH,
Thank you for your letter regarding the seeming “collapse” of my life as recorded in this here blog. While I truly appreciate your request to “hunt someone down and kill them,” I don’t think that will be necessary. I will have to get back to you on whether or not I need you to “ruin a credit rating or two.” I may take you up on that one. As to your referring to me as a “little cowboy sheriff,” I’m just glad my mother doesn’t know how to scan pictures. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Thank you also for your reminding me that while one hand is mutilated and scary, I do still have “another hand.” I’m sorry to hear that our “aging gracefully” gene does “NOT extend to hands.” Alas.

While your sister and father, my Aunt and Grandpa may “consider Maalox one of the four food groups," I am glad to know that you are with me in knowing there is no better way to make sure you have recovered from the stomach flu than with nachos and booze. You and I ARE related Auntie SASH. We ARE.

Auntie SASH, things are going a bit better in my world. I am feeling much better about my life in this newdle year. I am still having some difficulty in my role on the television program “The Office.” They are definitely considering writing my character off the show so I have asked my agent to find me role in another similar sitcom. We shall see. I think that this change will in fact be a good one. It’s the transitions that are difficult, as you know.

Well Auntie SASH please keep in touch and please keep sending me lovely little notes. They are greatly appreciated. It’s too bad we’re not in the same time zone. We could have margaritas after work. Well, I suppose we still can, just separately. Get an extra shot of tequila for me Auntie SASH…

Your one true relative,
Nephew Doodle

12 comments:

GMEyster said...

Your family rocks.

Carly said...

I want to be auntie Sash when I grow up! That, or a little cowboy sheriff. I'm still deciding.

Darla said...

I need an Auntie SASH.
Can we share?

A chuisle said...

hi auntie sash! (do you pronounce it aaaaahntie or aAAAAntie (like the insect) i of course prefer the first. :)

glad things are better my dear. i can't wait to get my ass to ny and guzzle down drinks w/ you!!! and if you are voted off the office, maybe you'll be in an awesome new show, like that cheerleader superhero one!

Auntie sash said...

Bad bloggy space! My comments have disappeared!

Ah well.

Darla - you are adopted.

Carly - email me directly about an apprenticeship program. Until then, learn more lyrics, watch more muppets, mock more idiots. Hug Jason whenever possible.

a chuisle - And you ask how to pronoun MY name?? Honestly? No clue. I don't think Jason's ever actually called me that - only virtually. The sash part, however, rhymes with 'posh'.

gmeyster - we also paper and scissor.

And lastly, JBS, I am quite aware that you did NOT actually answer my question but I'm waiting patiently. Perhaps I can scan some old photos while I wait...

Auntie sash said...

Ah, my sweetest, Auntie SASH knows how to scan photos!! I have some loverly images circa 1983 - July 4th parade I believe. There are the bathing beauty shots as well - not sure if those are Cowboy Sheriff or JasonB. The resemblance is quite striking sans accesories. Sadly, doodle fans, those photos are filed away. When my darling relative is rich and famous Auntie sash can retire in comfort with the sale of those squeaky clean images.

For now, it is back to the drudgery of my job. It too, could be a sitcom if only my costars had better writers.

I am, however, content having achieved my loftiest goal -

doodle-fodder (all rights reserved)

xoxo

GMEyster said...

It's official - I want to be a part of yo fam. Paper, scissors and ROCK we is!

JasonBSchmidt said...

Auntie SASH,

I believe the question in question is: what would make you (me) feel better?

A hot stone massage. I've never gotten one. What are they like? Is it at all like being in a sauna while stoned (high not bludgeoned)?

Auntie sash said...

Technically (as you well know) the ? in ? remains WTF happened. How to make it all better also remains a mystery.

And how would I know what it would be like to be in a sauna while stoned?

Don't answer that.

Hot stone massage should cure just about anything. Definitely a step up from your first professional massage. What WAS that guy's name? Great bass voice... arms like Popeye... Dagmar? No - that was the little girl from I Remember Mama.

Is it time to go home yet?

GhostRose said...

Can I borrow Auntie SASH for an hour once a week? :-)

Oh you wuss! YOur injury doesn't sound that bad, and I'm sure it will heal in a few weeks and you won't be able to tell (unless you actually did cut the tip of your finger off...).

A Day in the Life of a Touring Ed. Theater Actress said...

Can I share Auntie SASH too!! Is it too late to be adopted! I've been busy being a bear :-(

dreALu said...

awwww... I don't know the whole story, but I miss you Jason...and am happy that you have such a great network of love, friendship and support.

ps..next time you come to Boise...I will give you a hot stone massage.

pss..I don't know Aunt SASH, but I would love to!