Darladiva has written another zinger of an article on Broowaha.com. Check it out and then rate her so someone will take notice and pay her so she can call herself a writer judgment-free. She talks about that diggiest of party-going questions, “what do you do?” I have a new response, “I’m a soul-seller. I only have one client right now, but I’m looking to expand my client base. Are YOU interested in giving me your soul? I can guarantee you a nice bonus come Tree Time.” “We’re Executive Assistants!” Darladiva and I piped to an adorable waiter in an adorable purple polo at this healthy lunch spot we happened upon during a shopping lunch. He was so genuinely interested, we had to quickly dissuade him and let him know we wanted nothing more than for cute EA’s to come into our healthy lunch spot, where we’d be the adorable waiters wearing aforementioned adorable purple polos. Alas, Darladiva and I desperately need and enjoy our health benefits that we went too too many years without. Dental appointments should not invoke panic attacks for reasons other than the fact that dentists can be freakishly scary. I should be scared of the dentist and his rusty tools, not the fact that I am poor and will never be able to afford whatever it is that is wrong up in my mouth. I look back in nostalgic terror when I think of the time I heard those horrid horrid words, ROOT CANAL!! (insert creepy-angry sound effect). And I heard those words days before I was to debut a solo cabaret. I couldn't put it off any longer. I am STILL paying off the credit card I have lovingly deemed Dental Debbie Debt Card. Bitch. I hate that whore and the interest rate she rode in on. Alas, being a soul-seller, I have seriously attacked my debt due to the nice bonus that arrived in my (still) struggling bank account around Tree Time. I do see freedom from this little monetary phase in my (seemingly) former artistic life. I do. The day will come when at a party on the Upper East Whatever I will gladly announce to that bimbette of an Accounts Payable clerk who is mistakenly dating my actor friend, “I AM A GYPSY!!!” And I do mean Rose Lee.
7 comments:
I am applauding madly! Can you hear me over there?
Every time a clap sings, a doodle gets his wings.
AHAHAHHA! You are amazing. Your funny should be patented, given a brand name,
and marketed worldwide for a (non)modest fee.
I wanna say, "I AM A MERMAID!" and have it be true.
xo
seriously, i think you should write a book. you write a humorous novel, dar can publish her book of poems. gme can write a book of short stories for the twenty-something soul, and i'll publish my blog (i'm lazy). we'll all be famous writers and then, like roxie and velma, use THAT fame to be famous on stage! yahoo!!!
Seriously Macoosh is the brain behind this whole operation.
OOOOH, I am gonna be first in line at that book-signing!
Whoa, I totally missed that Macoosh put me into that 'writer' category with ya'll. I'm flattered. Truly.
But, twenty-somethings? M'dear, I am an old girl in her 30's. Again, flattered.
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